4 Months!

We’ve reached the point where I think most parents start counting their child’s age by months instead of weeks. It’s very hard to believe that we have come this far, after Ben was told Vivian wouldn’t make it on the night she was born.

On the infantile spasms front: No further seizures since the Thursday before last, thankfully! Our neurologist said to extend the prednisolone wean by an additional week, so Vivian has 6 more days of 1ml doses left.

On the overall baby front: We are still taking every day as it comes, and believe me, some feel like they go on forever! Most are going by entirely too fast for my liking. I am starting to feel as though there will never be enough time to do anything other than work, express milk, laundry, and long for sleep, in between soothing crying baby. We are still getting our fair bit of smiles and cuddles each day, which is what is keeping us sane! And Vivian is still progressing developmentally, which we are super thankful for.

Sleep. We all need more. Vivian actually was OK with the whole sleeping thing before we started the prednisolone. Now it’s very hard to get a 1-2 hour stretch at night. This is tied in with her crappy feeding still. We are lucky to get even 500ml into her each day now. She is averaging about 450ml a day this week. She’s lost 100g in the past week and I expect she will lose a bit more before she evens out again. She wasn’t a great eater before we started the steroids, so it feels like we are back where we started in terms of her feeding.

On top of the bad feeding and sleeping, Vivian has been horribly  constipated from the gaviscon she needs for her reflux. Her lessened intake means that where before she might have somewhat firmer bowel movements than your average breastfed baby, she has had really rock-hard ones that are super painful for her to pass.  She is now on lactulose daily to try to combat this.

I spoke with our old neonatal outreach nurse who is going to follow everything up with our pediatrician. Well actually, I tried to call and speak with our pediatrician last week, but she was on holiday until this week and then away until Wednesday doing work on the west coast. So I tried to ask the registrar on call, but was told I should go to our GP to get referred back to the pediatrician, unless it was an emergency…nice. And a complete waste of time. Hence why I spoke with our neonatal outreach nurse instead of the GP. I do like our GP, but I knew he would just refer us back to her pediatrician. We go in circles. I am tired of wasting time.

On the hearing front: we went to a hearing specialist today to get Vivian fitted for her first hearing aids.  It was as fun as we expected it to be. Babies don’t like things being put in their ears and they certainly won’t keep still while you’re doing it! We got there in the end, though. Because Vivian has moderate hearing loss, she will probably end up with the next size up front he smallest model hearing aid, because it is a bit more powerful than the smallest model and she most likely needs ones that strong. And, because her ear canals will (hopefully) grow pretty fast, we will most likely have to get her ear molds remade every month…crazy times. Not sure how fast her ear canals will actually grow- it doesn’t look like her head has grown much in the past two months. We will find out at her pediatrician appointment at the end of this month.

While we were at the appointment today we found out the hospital ENT department didn’t refer us on to a support service for children with hearing loss, provided by the Ministry of Education (like they were supposed to). I’m so glad that the Triton Hearing specialist noticed and put in for that referral for us, otherwise we never would have known about it. Do you see why  it’s so difficult for me to mention the hospital without complaining about something that should have happened? Again, I try to be patient. I am not a patient patient, though. And I’m definitely not a patient mother of a patient any longer. I am concentrating on the fact that at least we picked up on this early, so we can now build in the additional support or adapt our lifestyle to what Vivian’s hearing needs may be.

When we found out we were pregnant, we never thought we would need to have monthly hearing specialist appointments for our child. So many things are so different from what we pictured. I try not to think about it all at once because it can be overwhelming still. But we are still getting there.

On the me front: Counselling is going well, I think. I don’t cry every day anymore. Just some days.

Work is going well, too. The first week back was hard, I think because the last time I was there, I had all of these dreams of what Vivian’s future held, with no inkling of what was going to happen. Last week was easier. This week feels like I was never gone. I still struggle with being away from Vivian, if I stop and think about it, so I concentrate hard on not thinking about it. This is difficult though, because Ben gets to take pictures like this while I’m gone. That is my job!

Wonder

On the home front: Ben is doing an awesome job at being a stay at home dad. I struggle with being jealous of him getting to stay home, but am so happy that we don’t have to put Vivian into daycare. He’s even managed to have dinner ready when I get home a few nights (not that I would ever expect this on a daily basis)!  He still needs more sleep, though. Much more sleep.

We are still looking for a new place to rent. We looked at a place last week through our rental agent, but the owners of that property decided to rent to someone they worked with. We have a viewing this Thursday evening at a house that was up for rent last year when we found our current house. It’s not in the greatest neighborhood, but it IS within our budget. Fingers crossed we get it and that we can stand living there for a year, and that it’s warm for us in the winter.

We did get some good news from our rental agent about when we need to be out by. Instead of the first week of November, we now have until the third week to leave, so that’s a positive we are happy to take.

Here’s to hoping this week Vivian’s appetite comes back and we get her feeding and sleeping better. Even a three-hour stretch per night would be great!

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